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DENHOLM REYNHOLM has managed to negotiate a merger between his company and a Japanese conglomerate. As a gift, the JAPANESE CEO has given DENHOLM a Katana. Due to poor translation, DENHOLM is giving the JAPANESE CEO a pair of Doctor Martin boots. The English Translator, PAUL, has been fired for this confusion, and the JAPANESE CEO is jumping up and down to test the shoes. JEN has bought a pair of shoes which were too small for her, and is now suffering from mangled feet.

The JAPANESE CEO jumps and stamps on JEN’s foot.

JEN
(Screams) “You ****ing idiot! What are you doing!? You stupid old ****! You **** ****! What, you think you’re a big man **** **** shoes!? Well you’re not! You’re nothing but a **** ****!”

The JAPANESE TRANSLATOR leans in to translate JEN’s yelling.

The JAPANESE CEO looks angrily at DENHOLM, who hands the katana to him.

The JAPANESE CEO leaves the building with the katana and the shoes.

JEN
“I am, so sorry.”

DENHOLM
“That was quite a tirade Jen. It would have been even worse if Paul hadn’t been so quick on the profanity buzzer. Well done Paul, you’re back on the pay roll. As for you, you fucked ****.”

PAUL presses the buzzer just after DENHOLM swears.

Again, this scene doesn’t really work on paper but is all about timing. The first joke is derived from the translation of the abuse, as it does not need to be translated, he would get the idea from the tone of voice. The second, and one of my favourite jokes, come from the ‘Profanity Buzzer’. Already a surreal idea, we have just had all the swearing bleeped out of the scene, and having the bleeps highlighted as a conscious thing skews our assumptions on the basis of the bleeps. The biggest laugh, in my opinion, comes just after the ‘Profanity Buzzer’ ridiculousness has been highlighted, where it comes in just too late, and a swear word gets through. We are so accustomed to hearing swear words being bleeped out that we do not assumed that there will be a joke made around it, especially one known to the characters.

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