“I’m a modern man. A man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified, multicultural, post-modern deconstruction that’s politically, anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high tech low life. A cutting edge, state of the art, bicoastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hotwired, heatseeking, warm hearted, cool customer. Voice activated and biodegradable. I interface with my database and my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.
Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, pushing the envelope. I’m on point, on task, on message and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top but under the radar. A high concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary. A street wise smart bomb. A top gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach.
A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial.
I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up, you can’t dumb me down. Cos I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta blockers. I’m a non-believer and an over achiever. I’m laid back but fashion forward. Upfront, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super size, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready and built to last. I’m a hands on, footloose, knee jerk head case. Prematurely post-traumatic and I have a love child who sends me hate mail.
But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing. A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary caregiver. My output is down but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly and lactose intolerant.
I love rough sex, I like tough love, I use the F word in my email and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall, I bought a minivan at a megastore. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m toll free, bite size, ready to wear and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorised, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post dated, freeze dried, double wrapped, vacuum packed and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.
I’m a rude dude but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, wailing and winning. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hanging in, there ain’t no doubt, and I’m hanging tough. Over and out.”
George Carlin here uses words which have become prevalent in modern society, and draws parallels between them, using opposites, rhyme, common prefixes and alliteration to form a poetic piece about the modern world and how, when you look at it, there’s a lot going on. The information age; sometimes there’s too much information.